confessions of an accidental co-sleeper

the first night we brought griffin home from the hospital he was 27 days old, and i was terrified. it was the first time he wasn't hooked up to monitors that beeped if something happened to him; monitors that i could look at and see his heart rate, pulse ox, and make sure he was okay... monitors that told me he was still alive. he slept in our bed that night, curled up in between scott and me. i woke up every 5 minutes to hear him breathe. i felt crazy, but i knew i didn't want to be a co-sleeping mom. i nannied for those moms. those moms who hadn't spent the night alone with their husband for 10+ months. those moms whose 2 year olds are still in bed with them. those moms who sleep on the floor with their kids, while their husbands sleep in the bed. i did not want to be that mom. so on night number two griffin slept in a bassinet, next to the bed. that only lasted about a week or so. and then we put him in his crib (in his own room). at this point he was waking up once, maybe twice a night. by 3 months he was weened off any and all nighttime feedings and was sleeping from 7pm-7am. it was amazing. and then he hit 5 months old. something changed, and he just started waking up. and instead of just letting him cry we spent every night trying to figure out why he was crying (teething?, hungry?, poopy?, etc). we should have just let him cry, but instead we got up with him, fed him bottles, and changed diapers. by 6 and a half months we were just completely exhausted from getting up every.single.night (and for some reason i literally couldn't handle hearing him cry it out in the middle of the night) and one night we brought him into bed with us. it was 2am and we just wanted to sleep. and he slept until 7am. it was so nice. from then on he came into our bed maybe once or twice a week for a little while, and every once in awhile he'd sleep through the night. and then it stopped. he started waking up every night just to come into bed with us. it got earlier and earlier too. at first he woke up between 2am-4am, and then it was 11pm, and then it was 9pm, and then he wouldn't even fall asleep in his own crib. it was heinous. there have been many a night where i've laid next to griffin in my bed at 7pm trying to get him to fall asleep. i hated it. and after more than two months of that i finally hit my breaking point. i'd become a co-sleeper. i'd become that mom that i never wanted to be. it was deeply affecting my relationship, and affecting my feelings for griffin. sometimes it's nice to snuggle with your baby, but not when they're crawling all over you at 3am. i'm happy to say that one week shy of his 10 month birthday, our little boy is sleeping in his crib again. through the night. he's teething now, so sometimes he wakes up, but i let him cry. it's been about a week since we started letting him cry it out, and it's changed my life. i get to cuddle next to scott at night. i get to stretch out in my bed, and i get to greet my son each morning feeling refreshed instead of worn out. i love it. i'm happy i'm no longer a co-sleeper.